A New Normal

 

Table of Contents

Introduction (Excerpt from the Book)

 

Have you experienced the profound loss of someone dear to you?  Are you feeling helpless, numb, overwhelmed, maybe disoriented as if nothing around you makes sense anymore?  You may even be embarrassed you are so emotional, or not emotional enough.  Or maybe you are like I was, struggling to gain a foothold after my own first significant loss when I didn’t know which way to turn first.

 

I knew I wasn’t the first or the only person to experience the unexpected death of someone so dear, but that’s exactly how it felt.  The questions I had then are the same questions people have been bringing into my therapy practice now for over a decade.  People from all walks of life with all types of losses have the same questions and the same need for information.

 

That’s why I wrote A New Normal.  You have likely found books of inspiration, books offering quick and easy solutions on how to “get over it,” when what you need are respectful and practical answers.  You want information that helps you make sense out of what you are thinking, feeling and experiencing.  You want a book that helps you know what to DO!

 

Inside A New Normal, you’ll discover how to understand what is happening to you, where you are in your grief process, and what you can expect as you go forward.  You will learn that it is okay to give yourself permission to grieve, that grieving is part of being human, and that while grief is universal each loss is unique. 

 

You will meet other newly bereaved people in A New Normal, including some interesting characters that will prove that YES, you can still laugh!  You will gain tips along the way and get plenty of practical proven ways to navigate through your grief and your loss.  You will see that grief is normal.  Once you understand how it works, the process can be a little less painful and a lot more productive.

 

I never had any ambition to write a book.  This book gave me no choice, it demanded to be written!  It is the book I never found when I needed it most.  It is the book I want my loved ones to have when the day comes they need it most.  If the insights and stories you are about to read help you understand one thing you didn’t understand before about your loss, if your pain is lightened even the slightest bit, then this book will be a success.

 

You’ve waited long enough in this place where every minute is an eternity.   It’s time to take back your life, time to work with your grief in a way that honors both you and your loved one.  Let’s get started.

 

NOTE:  All stories in this book are based on actual cases.  All names and some details have been changed to protect the identity and confidentiality of the people involved.

 

Chapter 1: Making the Grief Process Work for You


Am I Normal?
Ann’s Story—Did Ann Fail Her Loved One?
Stages, Formulas, and Blueprints—BEWARE!
Grief—Friend or Foe?
No Short Cuts, No Free Passes
Tom’s Story—Did Tom Get a Free Pass?
YES to Emotions, YES to Life!


Chapter 2: Good-Bye to Your Old Normal


Letting Go of What?
A Death-Denying Culture
You Aren’t Sick, You are Grieving
Pauline’s Story—Did Grief Find Pauline at the Grocery Store?
I Wasn’t Prepared For That
A Year of Firsts
The Gift of Clarity
What Do I DO?

 

Chapter 3: Understanding Impact from Types of Loss

 

The First of Two Evils—Predictable Loss
Amy’s Story—Can a Few Words Really Be So Important?
Bumps in the Road
Mary’s Story—No Good Deed Goes Unpunished
Proactive Grief Is a Thief
The “D” Word
What Do I DO When Someone I Love is Dying?
The Other Evil—Sudden Loss
Reactive Grief
What Do I DO After a Sudden Death?
Somewhere In Between
“What If” Game

 

Chapter 4: Loss by Type of Relationship

 

Parent Loss
Young Child Loss of Parent
Alice’s Story—The Dangers of Magical Thinking
Older Child Loss of Parent
Nikki’s Story—Lost in Time
Teen Loss of Parent
Adult Loss of Parent
Spouse Versus Partner Loss
Harry’s Story—Invalid and Invisible
Sibling Loss
Friend Loss
Pet Loss—A Silence So Loud

 

Chapter 5: Complications on the Way To a New Normal

 

I Quit!
It’s Raining Losses
Secondary Losses Are Sneaky
What Do Dirty Laundry and Unresolved Grief Have In Common?
Steve’s Story—The Cowboy and the Baby Chick
Closure Confusion
Chris’ Story—Closure Is In the Eye of the Beholder
Road Blocks to A New Normal - Lawsuits
A Giant Step to A New Normal—Funerals
Bereavement Groups

 

Chapter 6: Big Losses, Little Recognition

 

Breaking Up Is More Than Hard To Do
Loss Competition
Loss of Financial Well Being
Loss of Job
Loss of Career
Loss of Business
Work Now, Feel Later
Loss of Youth
Loss through Aging
Loss of Health
What Do I DO?

 

Chapter 7: Questions Answered, Myths Disspelled

 

Chapter 8: Helplessness to Resilience—The Author’s Story

 

The Background
From Helplessness
. . . To Resilience

 

Conclusion